In recent times I’ve become more aware of needs for further healing in my own life. Working with lots of other people’s stuff can be a mirror, and Holy Spirit has gotten some things through to me. Healing more fragments has been a big aspect of my recent process.
When I first started working with fragments, my experiences were more dramatic. Internal and even external shifts were obvious. Spiritual experiences and sensations were sometimes overwhelming. Those seemed to be bigger or more significant fractured parts than what I’m able to dig up now. Today, all my experiences of this sort of thing are very subtle. Often, the results in my life are nearly imperceptible. The remaining fragments seem to be so much smaller than the ones I was getting healed originally. I’m led to continue inviting the Lord to heal my fragments though, with a pretty clear promise that it will greatly open up certain areas of my spiritual life that I long to have opened most.
Many times, I tend to go right after the source of the problem when I pray with someone. This often looks like going straight to a felt or discerned wound or fractured part, and healing it directly or inviting the Lord into that place to begin working. I love seeing the evidence of change after clearly getting in touch with an issue and then getting it resolved so that only peace remains where there had been significant turmoil before. I love seeing the fruit of such ministry in a testable way rather than just going “by faith” (which is a legitimate way to operate, though for some it can actually be more like wishful thinking).
Today though, I have a hard time going after my own stuff so directly since I’ve done so much of it in the past and seem to have traced down and resolved just about all the noticeable, painful stuff I could consciously get in touch with.
I’m still aware of various “themes” or life-issues I could use lots of progress on, but I don’t tend to feel any strongly wounded emotions connected to them, nor do I find individual parts carrying many felt pains. I just know that there must be something that needs more healing, and other trustworthy people have discerned that I need to continue receiving this sort of healing as well.
It isn’t that I don’t have any significant wounds, but maybe the wounds remaining are made up of so many subtle components contributing to the larger issue that they are very difficult to track down.
What I’m finding more effective for me these days, rather than feeling the problems and starting from there, is to just establish a connection with the Lord and then to unleash him into my inner world, observing where he goes and what he does. He seems to find all sorts of parts and strongholds that I would never expect, and which are usually too subtle for me to even become aware of in any other way.
I’m going to share a recent example of how this has looked for me in practice, with a few teaching moments along the way for those who would like to try it themselves:
I used an image of a campfire as a starting point, and invited Jesus to join me there. As a Jesus looking figure showed up in my imagination, I used my intention to look into his eyes, tuning into my feelings and senses to see what kind of discernment I would get of his nature as reflected in his eyes, whether it was the true, all good Jesus or not.
I began to have a sense of all good things, affectionate things, joyful things, as I used my intention to look into the eyes, and so I was assured that this was the real Jesus. I do tend to check rather than assume, because I only want the real Jesus ministering to the most vulnerable parts of me, not just anybody who may get away with showing up sometimes and looking like a bearded guy in a robe.
Another way you can check if it’s the real Jesus is by observing the nature and fruit of what he does. Is it life giving, effective, and comforting, or is it abusive and reinforcing of woundedness? In this case, I let him lead and minister to me, releasing affection and other kinds of input to me as an adult for a while.
After a bit, I invited him to move in my inner world (observed through my imagination), to see if there was anything he wanted to heal. He immediately went to a number of young “me’s” (fragments of me) and began healing them up. As they were healed and moved on to a better location than where they had been found, apparently beamed up into heaven, he then went over to a large bubble and began pulling on something deep within the bubble.
It turned out that this was a fragment of me stuck in the womb that he was pulling on. This little guy seemed to like where he was, just chilling in a sac of amniotic fluid, but he was also carrying bondage the Lord wanted to remove. Jesus was pulling him to the surface with fervor, and even shouting into the bubble, expressing urgency about his need for healing. The “me” inside the amniotic fluid was stirred into action and began to allow Jesus to heal him. He was taken out of the bubble, birthed into the world, and then brought to a better place to continue processing. My job, during all this, was just to observe and let Jesus do all the work.
He began changing the atmosphere of this location within my inner self, opening the heavens over it to allow sunlight, warmth, and all kinds of good things to fill it. He even seemed to set various objects up for the sake of reflecting or refracting light. He then began to pull on some kind of rope, bringing a large group of parts up to the surface of this area from underground. I heard the word “abandonment” associated with them, and they seemed to be a bunch of parts created through wounds of abandonment. I could actually feel the emotions of abandonment they were carrying.
As Jesus healed them all, he led them into a single-file line and they began walking towards him. Right at his feet, they seemed to drop into the ground and to become integrated into me, and I felt a small shift taking place within as they did so.
Next, Jesus continued landscaping, arranging certain sections of land for the purpose of growing or containing certain plantings/fruit, and he created a channel in between the plots of land. He invited a large yellow ball of light, reminiscent of a star or of the sun into this place, and directed it to begin rolling down this channel and towards a dark pit. As the huge ball of light fell into the pit, Jesus brought in a second sun-like ball of light and allowed it to roll into the pit as well. The two “suns” began to rotate around each other inside this pit, creating a luminous effect. (Revelation refers to certain heavenly beings as “stars.” I wonder if these are a high order of angels?)
This pit, now lit up by two suns working in synergy, was filled with prisons that contained small fragments. Jesus removed all the prison bars and let them out, healing them and taking them to a better place to continue receiving help. Next, at the bottom of the prison, were found a group of reptiles crawling around on the floor, and Jesus began to sit with them, allowing them to crawl all over him, letting them get to know him.
I believe that these “reptiles” were actually what are known in some circles (HeartSync circles for instance) as “sub-cortical parts.” This is where some kind of trauma happens as such an early stage of development that parts were formed even before higher centers of the brain came online. Many animal type parts are found who represent fractures at the level of the “primitive brain” or brainstem, possibly from earlier stages in the womb. Their state is much like that of an animal, motivated by primitive drives without higher levels of function or comprehension. Seeds can also be found, representing the earliest stages of womb life or even pre-conception parts of the spirit.
As Jesus hung out with these reptiles, they soon turned into babies, and as I left him with them and checked back in a few minutes later, they had grown to young children. Jesus had been nurturing them and growing them up to maturity quickly. He dispatched the enemy, taught them a few lessons, and then led them out of the pit/prison to continue their healing and processing.
This is just one of many possibilities of what inviting Jesus to work in your inner world may end up looking like. So many different locations, structures, parts, strongholds, giftings, etc. can be found and ministered to as we just let him loose to dig up and heal whatever he chooses to.
It helps if you have some level of understanding and comfort with things in this realm, so that it doesn’t seem too “weird” and unbelievable to you. I receive many impressions visually, but if you don’t, that doesn’t mean you can’t do this. You could sense what is happening through hearing, or feeling, or knowing, or however you perceive things. You could maybe just invite him to move within you in these kinds of ways by faith and allow him to do it whether you have any specific sense of what he is doing or not. There are many things in the above example that I don’t totally understand or know all the details of, but my lack of full understanding doesn’t stop the Lord from moving.